just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
