are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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