told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
