I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
