It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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