K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
