Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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