I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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