thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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