VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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