throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
