You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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