I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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