Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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