the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
