I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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