there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
