You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Two words: blizzard sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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