I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
