you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
