Your mouth is God's brothel.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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