I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
