Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How naked do you want me to be?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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