From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize