i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
