Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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