It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
