He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
