She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
this is an emotional support booty call
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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