i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
