I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
40s are totally the cure
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
