This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
