Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
