dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
