yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize