He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
do nipples grow back?
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