I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
