If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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