Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
