I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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