had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
