Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
