I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
