i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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