shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you never un-have a 4some
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
