Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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