I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's get the cat blown out
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
