She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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