I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
