i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this beer tastes like vomit already
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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