the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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