Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
