the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
