Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
