i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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