this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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