why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
