dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
