I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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