he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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