3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
