I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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