he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
dude. I can hear the air.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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